Category Archives: MugShotScapade!

Your Christmas Carol Lyrics Are Maddening and Confounding

I recommend that you take a moment to listen—I mean really sit and listen to the lyrics of those Christmas carols that you so freely sing without a moment’s consideration as to the twisted sentiments to which you’re giving voice. Read more

That’s Stephen to You, Motherfucker

My name’s not Steve, it’s Stephen. Next time you presume to know someone well enough to abbreviate their god-given birth name, you might do well to pick someone without a criminal record and an un-diagnosed personality disorder upon whom to test the bounds of your familiarity. 
Read more

As the Founder and Head of this Militia, I Would Like to Establish Some Ground Rules

This is going to be the absolute greatest militia the state of Oregon has ever seen, and I for one am excited that you all have decided to join.

As the founder and head of this militia, I would like to establish some ground rules.
Read more

How to Make a Tuna Salad Sandwich

Today I would like to provide you with the best, most detailed recipe and cooking instructions for the best damn tuna salad sandwich you’ll ever eat!
Read more

If This Carnival Cruise Ship Capsizes and We End Up on a Deserted Island, I Promise Not to Eat You

This is going to be an excellent vacation, and I for one am excited. I love a good cruise, and you and I are going to have such a good time.

As we embark on this wonderful excursion, I’d like to get something out of the way because I’ve found that it’s often better to say things directly so as to avoid any misunderstanding either now or in the future.

Therefore, let me make absolutely clear that if this Carnival cruise ship capsizes and we end up on a deserted island, I promise not to eat you.
Read more

I Am Going to Get the Biggest Piece of this Office Birthday Cake

The good news: there’s birthday cake in the break room.

The bad news: It’s carrot cake.

Read more

Why I Believe Manny Pacquiao Won

Firstly, let me explain that I believe that the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight was only the second biggest fight of the century, the first being Katy Perry’s losing fight against musical talent that culminated in last year’s Super Bowl halftime show.

Now, I know a lot of people are convinced that Floyd Mayweather won a commanding victory over Manny Pacquiao throughout the course of those 12 rounds, but I beg to differ for the following reasons:

Read more

« Older Entries