Author Archives: Juke Joint Jezebel

Meaningful Misses, Identity Messes: Andrew Zimmerman, Amelie Wen Zhao, and another appreciative nod to Azealia Banks

Last summer, during an interview at the Minnesota State Fair, professional chef and TV personality Andrew Zimmerman, known for showcasing and promoting exotic foods from around the world, discussed how he’d like to introduce Midwestern diners to “authentic” Chinese food. A Minnesota native and local hero, he wanted to “save the souls of all the people from having to dine at these horseshit restaurants masquerading as Chinese food that are in the Midwest.”1
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2017: A Selective Year in Review

2017 is over, and I think we can all agree that’s a good thing. While I don’t hold out much hope for a better 2018, what with an imminent nuclear showdown with North Korea and a Pacific Rim sequel, it will be nice to put a few 2017 things behind us.
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Blur vs. Oasis

Near the end of an earlier post on religious versus science tests, Derek B. interjected (rather gratuitously) a brief aside on the Blur vs. Oasis debate that has raged since the mid-1990s. For those who may not remember, the 1990s were a time when people knew who Harvey Danger was, and some people even cared. And of course, even by the late 90’s, TLC was still relevant, though their stardom had noticeably faded since its peak when Lisa Left Eye Lopes set fire to her boyfriend’s Atlanta mansion.
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Tough Mudder Does Not Impress Me

Let’s get one thing clear and out of the way at the outset of this post: Gluten allergies are just the 2017 way of saying that you are a fucking pussy because if you are allergic to something that did not exist more than five years ago, chances are you’re not allergic—you’re just a narcissistic asshole.
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Your Christmas Carol Lyrics Are Maddening and Confounding

I recommend that you take a moment to listen—I mean really sit and listen to the lyrics of those Christmas carols that you so freely sing without a moment’s consideration as to the twisted sentiments to which you’re giving voice. Read more

Donald Trump is America’s Fault

In the opening to his cover of Patti Smith’s “Rock n’ Roll Nigger,” Marilyn Manson screams “I was made in America, and America hates me for what I am. I am your shit, you should be ashamed of what you have eaten.” At the risk of comparing a doughy windbag ass-clown to an iconic rock n’ roll star, truer words might not be spoken of Donald Trump and his presidential campaign which, while stoking the ire of a vast bipartisan contingent of the American public, has also inspired a groundswell of fanatical support from some of the darker recesses of the American landscape most often regarded during flyovers between New York and Los Angeles.
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My Family Reunion Trauma

Last month I mentioned that I recently traveled to an extended family reunion, and while the fact that this reunion took place in Florida probably says all that needs to be said about my family, I thought I would share some reflections on the experience with you nonetheless.

First, allow me to provide you with a little insight into how we get down at my family gatherings because these events feature a little something called Kirkland-brand Bourbon.
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