Author Archives: Patrick Bateman

Flags: Winners, Losers, & Why America’s Needs Updating

In light of America’s newfound place as an international laughingstock thanks to Donald Trump’s recent escapade through what he believes were at least eight of the world’s seven continents and during which he succeeded in living up to all of our worst expectations as to how he would embarrass America in a way that could only have been exceeded if we had dispatched either Larry the Cable Guy or James Woods in his place, I thought I would take this opportunity to address a nagging issue that has gone too long overlooked.

Namely, the question of which national flags look the best, and which are in dire need of a makeover.   Read more

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BannedCast: Tea with Tanner 33

Today’s topics: our favorite color, favorite Metallica song, and favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. As per usual, some of our topics were suggested by questions sent in by listeners to either Twitter handle @BannedCast, or email: bannedcast@gmail.com. Visit bannedcast.com and read more about Tanner’s exploits and those of the band Lucky Boys Confusion in the book Medicine and Gasoline: On the Road in America with Lucky Boys Confusion.  

Election Day 2016

It’s election day, better known as an opportunity to sleep in, show up late to work, and pretend that you stopped to vote on your way in.
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The Way You Sip Your Coffee Says An Awful Lot About You

I’ve been sitting here watching you sip your coffee, and I thought I would share with you exactly what it says about who you are.
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Those Are the Rules

I’m sorry, but those are the rules.

You were asked to phrase your responses in the form of a question, regardless whether this was a multiple choice exam.
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Chimps Ain’t Like Us

When I’m not trying to lure rats into fighting over a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup in the alley behind my apartment, I actually like to read. It’s all a part of being unemployed and wearing glasses, and I recently came across an article that described how there is only a 2% difference between the genomes of humans and chimps.
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That’s Stephen to You, Motherfucker

My name’s not Steve, it’s Stephen. Next time you presume to know someone well enough to abbreviate their god-given birth name, you might do well to pick someone without a criminal record and an un-diagnosed chemical imbalance upon whom to test the bounds of your familiarity. 
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