Tag Archives: Trader Joe’s

Whole Foods

It’s 95 degrees outside, and the overweight woman working the checkout lane has to continually pause to walk over to the nearby counter to grab some napkins to wipe her brow.

She’s also wearing too much makeup, and her eyebrows appear to be drawn in.

And she only ever grabs enough napkins for one pass at her forehead.

A week ago at this Whole Foods, I saw the woman from Trader Joe’s who was arguing with the man in line ahead of her, saying that he’d cut in front of her. At Whole Foods, she was arguing with the cashier and the shift supervisor, claiming that she’s never had to pay extra for paper bags for her groceries.

I would like to interview her. She’s very tall, and she looks like the African American version of Norma Desmond from Sunset Boulevard.

If not for the meatless meatballs at Whole Foods, I don’t think I would ever bother coming here. It’s much too expensive, and there’s a pervasive, collective air of pretension among both the staff and the shoppers.

Apparently, one must have at least one visible tattoo in order to work here.

Or an aggressive piercing.

Trader Joe’s

What’s the proper etiquette for taking a free sample at Trader Joe’s? Do I make an overture of saying “Thank you” to the person preparing and distributing them, or do they prefer to be left alone? It’s not like they pour their heart and soul into heating up a frozen dish of fettuccine alfredo, but then I feel like an asshole for just walking up and taking free food without making eye contact.

The most interesting thing that happened at work today was someone accidentally turning off the lights in the office.

I very much need a haircut.

Update: I tried saying hello to the woman giving samples at Trader Joe’s. She didn’t say hello back.

At checkout there was a heated exchange between an older woman in line in front of me and a guy with a ponytail who she claimed had cut in front of her. He let her go ahead of him, and after she left, I told the guy that he had cut in front of me, too.

Welcome to Los Angeles, You Now Have Permission to Ask If the Free Samples at Trader Joe’s Are Vegan

Welcome to Los Angeles, you now have permission to ask if the free samples at Trader Joe’s are vegan.

You should also know that your infant child is the most precious thing in LA, to say nothing of the world at large, and so it is everyone’s responsibility to tolerate, if not appreciate and embrace your child’s every whim and public tantrum, even if and especially when these crying outbursts occur in the special exhibition gallery at the Getty museum on a Wednesday afternoon. Because exposing your children to priceless works of art is an important part of their upbringing, even if they are still too young to abstain from shitting themselves and cannot yet form the consonants necessary to say, “Is this soy-based non-dairy creamer organic?”

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