The Office

They say that you should never ask a woman with a large stomach about her pregnancy because she may just be fat and not pregnant. Second on that list of things you should never do is ask your chiseled-chinned coworker if she was born a man.

When coworkers bring their children to work with them, it only reaffirms my endorsement of late-term abortions and my opposition to breeding in general.

No one commented on my recent haircut, which leads me to believe that I made a poor decision with respect to its style.

I am not impressed with grown men who attend office meetings wearing sandals with manicured nails.

I suspect that no one has ever told the attractive intern to just shut the fuck up.

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