I went out on a date with a girl who proceeded to tell me that she and her friends drink nothing less than $100 bottles of wine. Her friend is looking to sell off his collection of $50 bottles of wine.

They both work for Google.

I told her I wasn’t hungry and didn’t want to order dinner, so we just ate the free bread. She chewed with her mouth open.

On another date the following week, the girl said that she enjoys knitting. She didn’t call me back.

I’m wondering if my online dating profile should include a photoshopped picture of me either at Machu Picchu or petting a sedated lion. A successful dating life appears to require one or both of these.

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