The Office

I spent the first half of my workday with my pants zipper unzipped.

Apparently, the new girl has either irritable bowel syndrome, very poor motor control, very poor social skills, or a combination thereof.

Chain emails are the 21st-century office equivalent of listening to nails on a chalkboard while receiving a colonoscopy.

I detest the guy who works across the hall from me, and I suspect that he detests me as well. One of my greatest disappointments in life is that I haven’t been able to accrue more respectable enemies because the guy with whom I share a mutual disdain lives alone, plays video games, and has strong opinions on the new Star Wars film trailer.

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