Let’s get one thing clear and out of the way at the outset of this post: Gluten allergies are just the 2017 way of saying that you are a fucking pussy because if you are allergic to something that did not exist more than five years ago, chances are you’re not allergic—you’re just a narcissistic asshole.
It’s 95 degrees outside, and the overweight woman working the checkout lane has to continually pause to walk over to the nearby counter to grab some napkins to wipe her brow.
She’s also wearing too much makeup, and her eyebrows appear to be drawn in.
And she only ever grabs enough napkins for one pass at her forehead.
A week ago at this Whole Foods, I saw the woman from Trader Joe’s who was arguing with the man in line ahead of her, saying that he’d cut in front of her. At Whole Foods, she was arguing with the cashier and the shift supervisor, claiming that she’s never had to pay extra for paper bags for her groceries.
I would like to interview her. She’s very tall, and she looks like the African American version of Norma Desmond from Sunset Boulevard.
If not for the meatless meatballs at Whole Foods, I don’t think I would ever bother coming here. It’s much too expensive, and there’s a pervasive, collective air of pretension among both the staff and the shoppers.
Apparently, one must have at least one visible tattoo in order to work here.
Or an aggressive piercing.