Tag Archives: Mugshots

Word on the Street Is That You’re My Secret Santa

Word on the street is that you’re my Secret Santa, and because I don’t want this to be a wasted opportunity, I thought I would describe for you exactly the gift that I will expect from you. Because a Secret Santa gift exchange is nothing short of an opportunity to impress one’s coworkers.

With this in mind, I would like you to cosign this bank loan so that I can get some boss 20-inch spinning rims for my 2002 Dodge Neon.

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I’m Pretty Sure That If I Shaved Off My Eyebrows and Wore a Black Leather Trench Coat, People Would Think That I’m from the Future

I’m pretty sure that if I shaved off my eyebrows and wore a black leather trench coat, people would think that I’m from the future.

I base this assertion on the fact that the last time I shaved my eyebrows and walked around downtown in a leopard-print leotard, people assumed that I was a newcomer to their town. Furthermore, everyone made damn sure to get out of my way.

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