Tag Archives: Eyebrows

Grooming

I have one very long, very gray, very errant eyebrow hair.

I’m convinced that somewhere, someone has posted a video of me picking my nose in my car. 

I regard my toenails like estranged, illegitimate children. I have no emotional connection to them, and they can get very obtrusive and unruly.  

I’m very concerned about being found dead in the bathtub after slipping as I struggle to see myself in the bathroom mirror while trying to shave my back.

I’m Pretty Sure That If I Shaved Off My Eyebrows and Wore a Black Leather Trench Coat, People Would Think That I’m from the Future

I’m pretty sure that if I shaved off my eyebrows and wore a black leather trench coat, people would think that I’m from the future.

I base this assertion on the fact that the last time I shaved my eyebrows and walked around downtown in a leopard-print leotard, people assumed that I was a newcomer to their town. Furthermore, everyone made damn sure to get out of my way.

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