Donald Trump Archives

Tag Archives: Donald Trump

The Olympics, Donald Trump, & My Self Esteem

Posted on February 8, 2018 by Patrick Bateman Leave a comment

It’s time again for the winter Olympics, that special occasion every four years when the world comes together to pretend like they care about figure skating, bobsledding, and cross-country skiing. The winter Olympics are as if a Mumford and Sons album were televised as a sporting event, it’s just that boring, although special exception should be made for luge and ski jumping accidents, which are the Olympic equivalent of NASCAR crashes.
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2017: A Selective Year in Review

Posted on January 2, 2018 by Juke Joint Jezebel Leave a comment

2017 is over, and I think we can all agree that’s a good thing. While I don’t hold out much hope for a better 2018, what with an imminent nuclear showdown with North Korea and a Pacific Rim sequel, it will be nice to put a few 2017 things behind us.
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Azealia Banks:
Pop Culture Honey Badger

Posted on May 16, 2017 by DB 4 comments

Azealia Banks may not have many defenders these days. Since arriving onto the scene at age 17, she’s burnt a few, many, most bridges in her young but incendiary career.
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Forget Religious Tests —
How About Science Tests Instead?

Posted on March 28, 2017 by Patrick Bateman Leave a comment

In light of recent autocratic orders issued from our (with all due respect) doughy, midget-fingered troglodyte of a 45th president for whom the rhetorical complexity of a season of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo represents an intellectual bridge too far, I thought I would take this opportunity to suggest that in the interest of “our country’s continued safety and security” we implement not religious tests for incoming migrants but science tests instead.
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Election Day 2016

Posted on November 7, 2016 by Patrick Bateman Leave a comment

It’s election day, better known as an opportunity to sleep in, show up late to the office, and pretend like you voted on your way in to work.
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Donald Trump is America’s Fault

Posted on August 21, 2016 by Juke Joint Jezebel Leave a comment

In the opening to his cover of Patti Smith’s “Rock n’ Roll Nigger,” Marilyn Manson screams “I was made in America, and America hates me for what I am. I am your shit, you should be ashamed of what you have eaten.” At the risk of comparing a doughy windbag ass-clown to an iconic rock n’ roll star, truer words might not be spoken of Donald Trump and his presidential campaign which, while stoking the ire of a vast bipartisan contingent of the American public, has also inspired a groundswell of fanatical support from some of the darker recesses of the American landscape most often regarded during flyovers between New York and Los Angeles.
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Burning Man, “Burners,” and BannedCast

Posted on August 26, 2015 by DB Leave a comment

It’s that time of year again: Burning Man.

For those of you who may not be familiar with the concept, allow me to explain that this is that special time of year when today’s newest breed of pretentious hipster ravers flock to the Black Rock City Nevada desert to celebrate all things craft beer, EDM, and anti-establishment platitudes while engorged on copious amounts of designer drugs that allow for meaningless and altogether joyless sex with multiple unwashed and relatively unconscious partners.
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