Work

I consider it a violation on par with physical and/or sexual assault when a coworker approaches my desk to use my trash can and walks away without a single word.

I’m pretty sure I could choke to death on a piece of fruit in my cubicle and no one would notice for at least 24 hours. No one at work even says “bless you” when I sneeze.

Fashion faux pas should be a prosecutable offense. I.e., penitentiaries should be filled with middle management who tuck their iZod golf shirts into their stone-washed denim jeans.

I enjoy catching people staring at my twitching right eyelid during meetings.

Choking on your own spit is God’s way of punishing you for not paying more attention to your passing life.

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