My coworker looks like Lee Harvey Oswald.
I always walk fast, not just to get where I’m going more quickly but also to get away from other people.
I didn’t wear a belt to work today. If anyone noticed, they didn’t say anything.
It turns out that my resting heart rate is 49 beats-per-minute. I told the nurse that it’s just a physiological reflection of how much I don’t care about genetically modified foods. She responded by asking if I use drugs.
The woman who sits in the cubicle nearest the doors to the restroom knows too much about everyone’s bathroom habits. Especially mine.
When I’m at work, I try to be as discreet as possible when listening to either Seal or Coldplay. People already consider me enough of a pussy.
Laser pointers are the office equivalent of Ed Hardy t-shirts.