The Beach

Nothing is more pleasurable than watching a group of Asian businessmen arrive to the beach in dress clothes, remove their shoes, and wade into the water while yammering endlessly among themselves.

The beach is the great human unifier wherein everyone becomes an awe-inspired child.

The Planter’s Trail Mix I purchased consists mostly of generic M&Ms and raisins with the texture of jerky made from Bambi’s eyeballs.

I believe the beach may be the only socially acceptable place in which to wear Crocs.

Putting Thule racks on your Porsche 911 makes you both an idiot and an asshole.

I wish it were socially acceptable to kick over the finished sandcastle of the overweight children playing on the beach. Because every child needs to be taught a lesson, and overweight children need the extra work.

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