Welcome Aboard My Sanctimonious Bandwagon!
Welcome aboard! I’m glad to see that you’ve made the wise and prudent decision to jump aboard this, my sanctimonious bandwagon.
Please don’t be concerned about room—there’s always plenty of space for newcomers!
In fact, it would be more apt to describe this as our sanctimonious bandwagon because social networking has made this less an individual crusade than a communal one, and together we can effect some lasting and substantive change in the world!
However, before proceeding any further please allow me to advise you against any criticisms of either this bandwagon’s destination or the way in which it is being driven.
In fact, you should probably avoid all criticisms of any kind that aren’t fully in line with those of everyone else onboard. We don’t take kindly to dissenters here, and you don’t want to be on the wrong side of our efforts to make the world a better place.
Because in order to make this a more accepting and freer world in which everyone may live their life as they choose without threat of censure or even the slightest suggestion of insult, it is imperative that everyone fall in line and behave according to the very strict guidelines that we have set forth.
Therefore, let me make clear that should you either advertently or inadvertently misstep in any way that runs contrary to the values and virtues we espouse, you should expect to be swiftly and resolutely dealt with in a manner befitting the inherent bastard that you are.
Because this is a bandwagon of peace and love and positive fulfillment, and anyone standing in our way will be publicly and vehemently destroyed for their errant opposition to our cause.
Only by ensuring the strictest adherence to our beneficent principles of tolerance and acceptance will we be able to triumph and rid the world of the sort of dissenting vermin who remain intent upon a world governed by systematic oppression.
So once again, welcome aboard! I think you’ll enjoy this march toward a better tomorrow, and even if you don’t, it’s probably in your best interest to start pretending that you do!
