I ate too many Swedish Fish at work today. This could easily be abbreviated: I ate a Swedish Fish at work today.
Saw a guy dressed up as Batman at the Santa Monica boardwalk today. I’m pretty sure it may have actually been Val Kilmer.
The drunk guy sitting next to me at the lunch counter looks like a used car salesman and is talking to himself about the quality of his Caesar salad. Apparently it’s “very good.”
Ate three-quarters of a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch today, so just in case you needed another reason to be totally impressed with me, you may add that to the list, right below “Still owns a pair of JNCO jeans he wore in high school.”
Someone left cookies on the counter in the breakroom at work. I took more than one.