Tanner’s Laundry List of all of the Ways in which You Probably Annoy Him:

  1. Don’t leave your clothes in the community washer or dryer for more than 10 minutes after the end of a wash
  2. Don’t piss in the dryers
  3. Break down your fucking boxes before throwing them out
  4. Civil engineers are assholes
  5. Squirrels need to stop running into oncoming traffic
  6. Don’t wear visors—they make you look like a bitch
  7. Wash your hair before it starts to smell
  8. If you happen to drop a pubic hair on the toilet or urinal, wipe it up
  9. Walk your mail to the mailbox, you lazy piece of shit—don’t send everything via email
  10. Stop being in such a fucking rush
  11. Hurry your ass up and don’t block the aisle in the grocery store
  12. Skinny jeans are fucking stupid
  13. Beef jerky and cheese balls are delicious, so get your own and don’t eat mine
  14. Space is a waste of time—stop trying to go to Mars
  15. Don’t bother sending a one-word text message
  16. Electronic billboards are fucking stupid
  17. People who wear oversized headphones around their neck as a fashion statement are assholes
  18. Look up from your goddamn phone when crossing the street
  19. Vegans are assholes
  20. Indiana Jones sucks
  21. Men with toe fungus shouldn’t wear sandals—your feet are disgusting
  22. Stop picking your fucking nose
  23. Van Halen sucks
  24. Don’t spit your gum out on the sidewalk, you rat-faced piece of shit—in fact, don’t chew gum at all
  25. I’ll cross my legs ankle-to-ankle if I want to, it doesn’t make me effeminate
  26. Ladies: stop opening your mouth when you’re surprised—it makes you look stupid
  27. Superheroes shouldn’t wear tights—it makes them look like pussies
  28. Canadian geese should be euthanized. All of them.
  29. Magicians are fucking liars
  30. Meteorologists are assholes
  31. Your hat makes you look stupid
  32. Keep your stupid opinions to yourself
  33. Yellow school buses look stupid—paint them a different color
Learn more by listening to the Tea with Tanner podcast.

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