Dear 17th Century Elizabethan Guy

Dear 17th century Elizabethan guy,

Bath salts have been in the news quite a bit recently, due in part to the strange cravings that people using them seem to exhibit. I was pondering this when it occurred to me that perhaps bath salts induce in users the same unusual cravings that are so common among pregnant women.

april2012mugs084This might mean that pregnant chicks are a lot more like cannibals than previously thought.
I mentioned this to a fat chick in the elevator the other day, and she was offended. She gave me no other choice but to slap her in the face. I don’t know why some people have to be so goddamned uptight.





Dear Jonathan,

What in God’s holy name is an elevator?

Sincerely Yours,

17th Century Elizabethan guy

I am from the 17th Century, and you're not.

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