I like dogs. I have a dog. Dogs are wonderful animals and great companions.
They are not, however, replacements for or equal in importance to people, and they are neither a lifestyle choice nor a political cause.
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This week, I had the good fortune to be sitting in Tribal Cafe in Los Angeles, sipping a ginger tea and tapping out an email on my phone, when I looked up in time to watch a woman storm up to my scooter as it was parked across the street and furiously push it over, all while screaming “Fuck you!” to no one in particular.
Welcome to Los Angeles, you now have permission to ask if the free samples at Trader Joe’s are vegan.
You should also know that your infant child is the most precious thing in LA, to say nothing of the world at large, and so it is everyone’s responsibility to tolerate, if not appreciate and embrace your child’s every whim and public tantrum, even if and especially when these crying outbursts occur in the special exhibition gallery at the Getty museum on a Wednesday afternoon. Because exposing your children to priceless works of art is an important part of their upbringing, even if they are still too young to abstain from shitting themselves and cannot yet form the consonants necessary to say, “Is this soy-based non-dairy creamer organic?”