Category Archives: DB Blogs

High School Student Ultrasounds

Some of you may recall and others of you may neither remember nor care, but I taught high school on the west side of Chicago for almost 10 years. Teaching inner-city high school presents all kinds of unique challenges, not the least of which is having to pretend to be enthusiastic when your students show you ultrasound pictures of the fetus presently gestating inside of their gut.
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American Bodies, Cuban Cars

I make no claims to being anything other than a complete and utterly insufferable asshole, and so it is with this in mind that I’d like to declare that if you’re a grown man in your 30s, you shouldn’t complain about having to walk up several flights of stairs because the elevator is out.
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Selling Your Car to CarMax

I recently sold my car to CarMax, and while the experience was slightly better than being raped by a stranger on Craigslist, I still take umbrage with a few of the details.
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Netflix: Opiate of the Masses

I love Netflix, and so do you.

The reason we all love Netflix so much is because we all, Americans in particular, collectively hate to read. Read more

Your Dog Is a GMO, Not a 9/11 Survivor

I like dogs. I have a dog. Dogs are wonderful animals and great companions.

They are not, however, replacements for or equal in importance to people, and they are neither a lifestyle choice nor a political cause.
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On the Road from Chicago to Los Angeles

This is not just another shitty travelogue that is essentially the adult equivalent of a nine-year-old’s “How I Spent My Summer Vacation” writing assignment. This is instead an extended travelogue from someone who already wrote and published one book all about his cross-country travels on a Honda Shadow 1100. So like a bad sequel that no one was asking for, here is an account of my recent travels, this time via Mini Cooper, from Chicago to Los Angeles:

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Transvestite: 1 / Scooter: 0

This week, I had the good fortune to be sitting in Tribal Cafe in Los Angeles, sipping a ginger tea and tapping out an email on my phone, when I looked up in time to watch a woman storm up to my scooter as it was parked across the street and furiously push it over, all while screaming “Fuck you!” to no one in particular.

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