Category Archives: DB Blogs

On the Road from Chicago to Los Angeles

This is not just another shitty travelogue that is essentially the adult equivalent of a nine-year-old’s “How I Spent My Summer Vacation” writing assignment. This is instead an extended travelogue from someone who already wrote and published one book all about his cross-country travels on a Honda Shadow 1100. So like a bad sequel that no one was asking for, here is an account of my recent travels, this time via Mini Cooper, from Chicago to Los Angeles:

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Transvestite: 1 / Scooter: 0

This week, I had the good fortune to be sitting in Tribal Cafe in Los Angeles, sipping a ginger tea and tapping out an email on my phone, when I looked up in time to watch a woman storm up to my scooter as it was parked across the street and furiously push it over, all while screaming “Fuck you!” to no one in particular.

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Welcome to Los Angeles, You Now Have Permission to Ask If the Free Samples at Trader Joe’s Are Vegan

Welcome to Los Angeles, you now have permission to ask if the free samples at Trader Joe’s are vegan.

You should also know that your infant child is the most precious thing in LA, to say nothing of the world at large, and so it is everyone’s responsibility to tolerate, if not appreciate and embrace your child’s every whim and public tantrum, even if and especially when these crying outbursts occur in the special exhibition gallery at the Getty museum on a Wednesday afternoon. Because exposing your children to priceless works of art is an important part of their upbringing, even if they are still too young to abstain from shitting themselves and cannot yet form the consonants necessary to say, “Is this soy-based non-dairy creamer organic?”

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Happy Super Bowl Weekend!

Happy Super Bowl weekend, everyone! I will refer to this as Super Bowl 2015 because I don’t know how to read those ridiculous Roman Numerals that are supposed to indicate just which number Super Bowl this is. Correction: I refuse to read those Roman numerals that seem to have no purpose other than to make me and countless others feel inferior because we cannot decipher the cryptic meaning of a few misplaced letters meant to signify a numerical quantity.

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The Sound and the Fur(r)y: A Chronicle of Furries, Terror, and Rumors at FurCon 2015

Part 1: Rumors at the Bar

It’s not often that you find yourself standing next to a six-foot tall squirrel at the bar while waiting to order a Miller Lite. And if ordering a beer next to a plush cartoon character who can barely manipulate the currency needed to pay for a peach-colored drink that would be more at home in a sippy cup being handled by an infant child isn’t odd enough, then watching said squirrel consume that liquor through a straw through its plastic snout should certainly qualify as “exceptional” at the very least.

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The Williams Sisters: Two Middle Fingers to Men’s Tennis

How can I begin to describe for you my love for all things Venus and Serena Williams? It’s not a creepy thing … Okay, it’s slightly creepy, but I cannot help that I’m attracted to beautiful, athletic women. And so when I hear others insulting the Williams sisters or denigrating their talent by claiming that they do not deserve as much prize money as men for their tournament wins, I get a little upset.

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Sheryl Sandberg: Little Miss Bossy

The world is a truly fucked-up place: Russia has returned to conquering and reclaiming foreign territories, the polar ice caps are melting, and Tyler Perry is undoubtedly hard at work on yet another Madea movie script.

But no matter how bleak and unforgiving the world may seem, Sheryl Sandberg, the Chief Operating Officer at Facebook, is always there to save us from ourselves, and she is presently invested in our collective well-being with her campaign to ban the word “bossy.”

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Occupy Wall Street and the Tea Party: Uncomfortable Bed Mates

In a recent article on the use (or lack thereof) of the term class warfare, I made a passing jab at FoxNews and the Tea Party. I’m not a fan of bandwagons and broad generalizations that may make for easy writing but ultimately unsatisfying reading, and so I thought it worthwhile to further explore these comments in the interest of measuring their veracity. Because as much as Liberals and Occupy Wall Street sympathizers and/or activists may abhor the idea, in its earliest inception and at its most fundamental core, the Tea Party had a lot in common with the Occupy movement.

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Democrats, Republicans, Obama, and Wall Street: The Inextricable Knot

I’ve been told by a few readers that my blog posts demonstrate an unabashed defense of everything Democrat and MSNBC and a disdain for everything Republican and Fox News. In fact, dour curmudgeon that I am, I disdain both Democrat and Republican, MSNBC and FoxNews. (I should mention that I’m only ignoring CNN because everyone else seems to ignore them, too.)

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