The Office

Just overheard near my desk: “Mike, do you want to split a protein bar?” If Mike says ‘yes,’ it’s confirmation that we can never be friends.

I wish the donuts they occasionally put in the break room better helped me forget my divorce and my failed dreams.

I sometimes walk to the bathroom at work simply as an excuse to leave my desk.

I find the receptionist’s intense conversations with Rebekah about cats very distracting.

I’m not concerned with the volume of my typing and its effect on my coworkers because I believe that each and every keystroke should demonstrate a conviction in the righteousness of your text.

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Blur vs. Oasis

Near the end of an earlier post on religious versus science tests, Derek B. interjected, rather gratuitously, a brief aside on the Blur vs. Oasis debate that has raged since the mid-1990s. For those who may not remember, the 1990s were a time when people knew who Harvey Danger was, and some people even cared. And of course, even by the late 90’s, TLC was still relevant, though their stardom had noticeably faded since its peak when Lisa Left Eye Lopes set fire to her boyfriend’s Atlanta mansion.
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Flags: Winners, Losers, & Why America’s Needs Updating

In light of America’s newfound place as an international laughingstock thanks to Donald Trump’s recent escapade through what he believes were at least eight of the world’s seven continents and during which he succeeded in living up to all of our worst expectations as to how he would embarrass America in a way that could only have been exceeded if we had dispatched either Larry the Cable Guy or James Woods in his place, I thought I would take this opportunity to address a nagging issue that has gone too long overlooked.

Namely, the question of which national flags look the best, and which are in dire need of a makeover.   Read more

Azealia Banks: Pop Culture Honey Badger

Azealia Banks may not have too many defenders nowadays. Since arriving onto the scene at age 17, she’s burnt a few—many—most bridges in her young but incendiary career.
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Forget Religious Tests—How About Science Tests Instead?

In light of recent autocratic orders issued from our (with all due respect) doughy, baby-carrot-fingered troglodyte of a 45th president for whom the rhetorical complexity of a season of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo represents an intellectual bridge too far, I thought I would take this opportunity to suggest that in the interest of “our country’s continued safety and security” we implement not religious tests for incoming migrants but science tests instead. Read more

BannedCast: Tea with Tanner 34

Today’s topics: the new year, resolutions, and Las Vegas. As per usual, some of our topics were suggested by questions sent in by listeners to either Twitter handle @BannedCast, or email: bannedcast@gmail.com. Visit bannedcast.com and read more about Tanner’s exploits and those of the band Lucky Boys Confusion in the book Medicine and Gasoline: On the Road in America with Lucky Boys Confusion.  

Tough Mudder Does Not Impress Me

Let’s get one thing clear and out of the way at the outset of this post: Gluten allergies are just the 2017 way of saying that you are a fucking pussy because if you are allergic to something that did not exist more than five years ago, chances are you’re not allergic—you’re just a narcissistic asshole.
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