Category Archives: Comedy Cabaret

The Way You Sip Your Coffee Says An Awful Lot About You

I’ve been sitting here watching you sip your coffee, and I thought I would share with you exactly what it says about who you are.
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Intra-Office Departmental Email from a Woman with No Tact and a Tendency to Overuse Parentheses, Parenthetical Clauses, and Commas

Re: Potluck lunch

Barbara (et. al),

I think Barbara’s idea of holding a departmental potluck lunch meeting this Friday is fantastic, and I’d like to be the first to respond to the invitation. (Sorry! I guess it’s just my enthusiasm for Barbara’s great ideas!)

Being the first, I guess I’ll offer to bring the desert! Rest assured that I won’t bring just any prosaic store-bought desert purchased in a mad dash at the Walmart on my way to work following another fight with my abusive, closeted homosexual husband! (I won’t mention any names, LISA! LOL! JK!)

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Top Ten Music Videos of the 90s

Spicey Girls

The response to Derek B.’s top ten videos of the 80s was so overwhelming that we at BannedCast found ourselves besieged with requests for more! Remember that scene in Miracle on 34th Street where they bring bags of letters addressed to Santa into the courtroom to prove the existence of St. Nicholas? It was sort of like that, except that most of what we received was junk mail mixed with the occasional death threat from angry furries who disapprove of our previous blog post, but that makes it no less overwhelming!

And so in the truest spirit of BannedCast and our dedication to our legions of fans, I, Patrick Bateman, decided to satiate the desires of you feckless, shit-eating masses with another top 10 list!

Here, then, are BannedCast’s top ten music videos of the 90s. That is, these are the videos that best represent the decade, not the best in terms of artistry. Because if you’ll notice, Marilyn Manson’s “Beautiful People” and “Tourniquet” videos do not appear on this list—it would be an insult to include them amongst the occasionally shitty company included here. Anyways, enjoy, as there are some guilty pleasures mixed in here.

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Top Ten Music Videos of the 80s

Today I compromised my productivity at work by slamming a pot of Folgers coffee and Googling 80s music videos, and I have compiled the following list of the top ten greatest 80s music videos in terms of either their awesomeness or how well they represent that formative decade in my life known as the 80s.

And yes, it was a shitty decade, which explains my all-consuming misanthropy.

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Tanner’s Laundry List of all of the Ways in which You Probably Annoy Him:

  1. Don’t leave your clothes in the community washer or dryer for more than 10 minutes after the end of a wash
  2. Don’t piss in the dryers
  3. Break down your fucking boxes before throwing them out
  4. Civil engineers are assholes Read more

An Intervention Letter Written by Someone With Very Little Grasp of the Concept

Dear Becky,

Have you seen my keys? I cannot find them anywhere. I checked by the coffee maker, the snack table—everywhere. I’m not sure why I’m having such a difficult time locating them, but it may be an indirect result of your substance abuse problem. I find this incredibly selfish of you and another potential threat to our friendship, apart from the fact that I also want to see that new Johnny Depp movie and you haven’t gotten back to me about when we can go see it.

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Putin’s Homosexual Propaganda

Russia recently passed a law classifying “homosexual propaganda” as pornography. This law, which is inscrutably vague, outlaws “propaganda on nontraditional sexual relationships.” Most interestingly, Putin signed this ban into law with no apparent sense of irony.

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