My Top 8 Reasons Why You Should Become a Member of Educators 4 Excellence
1. We use a number 4 in our name—how cool is that? Hipsters can go suck it, because using numbers instead of spelling them out is a sign of a very, very clever organization that is hip to today’s hottest trends.
2. E4E advocates for greater teacher input with regard to hiring and mentoring new teachers so that schools can make hiring decisions earlier in the year and find the teachers who best coincide with their school mission, and teachers can likewise find the school that best fits their principles. For example, if you’re into dating your students, E4E believes that you should be able to find a school that fits this valuable instructional style.
3. E4E is an organization developed by teachers, for teachers because we are committed to reforming education by connecting ideas with action in order to effect meaningful policy change that is in the best interest of our students—especially the retarded ones, by which I do of course mean the girls … I’m only kidding! Boy, does that joke bowl over the guys at E4E! Even Sydney had to laugh at that one when I recently cracked it at an E4E Happy Hour event here in New York! But seriously, I’m really only kidding. Girl students are almost as smart as the Latino students these days.
4. E4E does not shy away from a challenge. Becoming an E4E member will better support our work on behalf of students. Unless you’re a pussy, in which case you may as well find a lesser education reform movement. Because Evan Stone may look like a pussy, sound like a pussy and dress like a pussy, but c’mon, that doesn’t necessarily make him a pussy. No, it’s the “Coexist” bumper sticker on the back of his Prius that makes him a pussy.
5. E4E works on behalf of teachers, and their mission is a clear repudiation of the policies that have undermined the integrity of the teaching profession for far too long. Things like bad hair, halitosis and an inability to dress ourselves in anything other than the latest late-80’s fashions are important areas where teachers need to work to improve themselves.
6. E4E is committed to achieving success at all costs! Well, not at all costs, they of course do not advocate violence, unless it is absolutely necessary. Or fun.
7. At E4E, we engage in grassroots political action to bring together teachers and the community to assert external pressure upon entrenched political interests, and when that doesn’t work we do bribe them with prostitutes. You would not believe how effective this can be. I don’t mean to pull back the curtain on how things get done in politics, but if you’ve ever seen The Wire or read This Town or heard the Peaches song “Fuck the Pain Away,” then you already have a pretty good idea of what I’m talking about.
8. Lastly, this brings me to another reason why E4E is so important to teachers working in the field of public education today. As an advocate on behalf of teachers, E4E is also invested in protecting the privacy of teachers from unwarranted incursions by administrators into the private lives of their teachers. Because frankly, I don’t see how my dating life is any of my principal’s or vice principal’s or community’s or law enforcement’s business. My occasional dalliances beneath the I-95 overpass have no bearing upon my classroom instruction and should be considered independent of any and all hiring and firing decisions, and E4E agrees.
As you can see, the reasons why E4E is a great organization for you to join are innumerable. Or at least there are eight of them. I really couldn’t think of any more because it’s late, I’m hammered and I have to teach tomorrow. Probably going to be a “quiet day” for my classes.
So what the fuck are you waiting for? Go to educators4excellence.org and sign the goddamned pledge already! You don’t even have to be a teacher—you can be an “education supporter” like the rest of us at BannedCast. Many other of our BannedCast minions across the country have already signed up, so go ahead and sign it! It doesn’t really mean anything because it’s not like anyone is ever going to give two shits whether you’re a member or not. So don’t be a pussy: it’s time to sign up.