I am Applying for Research Time on the Hubble Space Telescope

I am applying for research time on the Hubble Space Telescope, and I think you will agree that my research purposes will greatly expand our understanding in some key areas.

Namely, how a fucking bitch like my ex-wife manages to spend all of that money she got in the divorce settlement on her new pussy-faced boyfriend.

Because I intend to use NASA’s Hubble Space Telescope to better monitor my ex-wife’s movements by looking more closely at her one-story rented home down the street from our neighborhood Applebee’s.

I know that every year thousands apply for the very limited research times available for use of the Hubble telescope, but I believe that my research goals far outweigh those of other researchers and should therefore take priority over their studies, which have far more limited applications.

As a result of my studies at a nearby for-profit college in my failed pursuit of becoming a pharmacy technician, I know that it is important to include and thereafter refute counterarguments to one’s position when composing a persuasive argument. Therefore, while some might argue that using the world’s most powerful telescope to focus on the activities of my ex-wife and her pussy-ass, limp-dicked asswipe of a new beau by co-opting use of one of the world’s most specialized scientific instruments is a waste of valuable time, I would like the reader to consider how this study might directly affect their own relationships with their cunty ex-wives.

Because just think of all of the insight my study would provide into the workings and day-to-day activities of the world’s foremost fucking bitch, who incidentally also receives a four-figure monthly alimony check that she seems to spend exclusively on weekend getaways with Brad and laser hair removal procedures on her upper lip.

I therefore believe that this activity would yield some very important insights into the complex machinations of bitchhood, with worldwide applications in dealing with bitch ex-wives from every country and nationality. Because of course, that hideous snatch put a restraining order on me, and so I haven’t been able to drive past her house for the past several weeks. And if the Hubble telescope could just tell me what kind of car that cum-guzzling shitbag boyfriend of hers drives, I would know which car to take a sledgehammer to in the parking lot of Safeway next time I see it.

Consider that that pussified motherfucker boyfriend of hers just bought a new car with the money she took in the divorce! It’s a late 90’s pre-owned Chevy something-or-other, but I need to know exactly what model and color, and this is the sort of intel that the Hubble telescope can provide.

It is therefore imperative for the benefit of all men everywhere that I be allowed to conduct this study with the world’s foremost scientific instrument for the study of stars, galaxies, exoplanets, and pain-in-the-ass whores who will spread their legs for just about any douchebag with an assistant manager’s position and an above-ground pool in his backyard.

The need for action is immediate, as the world cannot afford hesitation with regard to awarding me this request. Every minute that passes before this study is commenced is one more minute that that stupid bitch enjoys laughing behind my back while she jerks-off Brad on the couch that I bought on installment before we were married.



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