My Online Sexual Relationship with Anthony Weiner
I recently maintained an online sexual relationship with mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner, beginning late last year and ending just this past week in the midst of all of this present kerfuffle.
To that end, let me tell you a little about how Anthony and I met.
Last year, as I was Facebooking under my alter-ego, Natasha DD-licious, I happened to leave a message of support on Anthony Weiner’s Facebook page. To my utter shock and amazement, the next day I saw a message in my inbox from Mr. Anthony Weiner himself!
Soon our relationship blossomed into one of great passion and uninhibited sexual transcendence, as Anthony would masturbate to airbrushed screen shots of me that many people have compared to Maria Sharapova.
I will be the first to admit that I erred by getting involved with a married man, and I never intended to damage the relationship between Anthony and his adoring wife Huma.
I readily admit yet am wholly ashamed of my having asked Anthony to sign his name in semen across my chest, as well as my having told him that I would like him to motorboat me while I jerked him off into a shot glass I stole from Ruby Tuesdays.
As a devout born-again Christian, I wish that I had not consented to indulge Anthony’s request to dress up as the Easter bunny and pour hot candle wax over his nipples while blasting Foreigner’s “Waiting for a Girl Like You” from a late 90’s Panasonic cassette player. I also regret having added that I would only comply if I could also wear nipple clamps and strap a black dildo around said Easter bunny’s waist.
But I don’t see how any of this should adversely impact Anthony Weiner’s mayoral prospects, nor do I consider this as having any bearing upon his marriage.
Furthermore, is there anything so damning about a politician, one who frequently invokes the will of the people and our nation’s constitutional principles, describing in explicit detail his desire to paint an anonymous internet correspondence’s tits with his semen? Is there anything so egregious about a leader of the people’s wish to enjoy a deviant act of coitus with a stranger while wearing a stained and potentially moth-ridden holiday costume?
Of course not!
This is especially true even if said politician once resigned from congress as a result of these exposures and thereafter continued this behavior immediately following his reconciliation with his distraught wife and the birth of his first child. These are, as I’ve said, completely irrelevant issues that have no bearing upon Anthony’s sound ethical and moral character.