• beach

    The Beach

    Nothing is more pleasurable than watching a group of Asian businessmen arrive to the beach in dress clothes, remove their shoes, and wade into the water while yammering endlessly amongst

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  • Bandwagon (1)

    Welcome Aboard My Sanctimonious Bandwagon!

    Welcome aboard! I’m glad to see that you’ve made the wise and prudent decision to jump aboard this, my sanctimonious bandwagon. Please don’t be concerned about room—there’s always plenty of

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  • carmax_logo

    Selling Your Car to CarMax

    I recently sold my car to CarMax, and while the experience was slightly better than being raped by a stranger on Craigslist, I still take umbrage with a few of

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  • Netflix logo featured

    Netflix: Opiate of the Masses

    I love Netflix, and so do you. The reason we all love Netflix so much is because we all collectively hate to read.

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  • ?

    On the Road from Chicago to Los Angeles

    This is not just another shitty travelogue that is essentially the adult equivalent of a nine-year-old’s “How I Spent My Summer Vacation” writing assignment. This is instead an extended travelogue

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  • disneyland_castle

    Holly’s Do’s and Don’ts for Disneyland

    Everyone loves Disneyland until you actually get there. Disneyland is in the business of destroying every adult’s dream of reliving their childhood by providing a few acres filled with screaming

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Absalom's Journal