Have you seen my keys? I cannot find them anywhere. I checked by the coffee maker, the snack table—everywhere. I’m not sure why I’m having such a difficult time locating them, though it may be an indirect result of your substance abuse problem, which may be distracting me from locating my keys in a more timely fashion. I find this incredibly selfish of you and another potential threat to our friendship, apart from the fact that I also want to see that new Johnny Depp movie and you haven’t gotten back to me about when we can go see it.
Also, I’m planning a trip to Seattle next month, and I was wondering if you might have any recommendations with regard to good places to stay. I don’t want to get caught staying in another Best Western with moldy carpets and a Spanish concierge again. Honestly, that trip was a disaster. I never should have booked it at the last minute using Craigslist. I swear that nowhere did that ad mention that I would have to share my room with that couple from Missouri, and the fact that the room came with only a single double bed meant that it required several attempts to finally rid myself of that athlete’s foot I incurred from having that guy’s feet rub up against me during the night. I didn’t even realize that you could get athlete’s foot on your face, but that is why I would advise against ever sleeping head-to-toe if you ever find yourself in that situation, Holly.
Fuck your taxes! Your greater oversight was not listening to Godfrey’s Pub Crawl last Monday night, in which we discussed sex with teachers, mercury poisoning and fuckable serial killers. With special guests all the way from Chicago! This is GPC’s hood, muthafucka! Best respect!
Last week’s Pub Crawl was the one in which we revealed the identity of the real killer of Tupac Shakur and John F. Kennedy! Spoiler Alert: They were both suicides.
Now wouldn’t that be a much better episode than the warmed over shit we’ve given you instead? On this week’s episode we discussed racist Mickey Rooney roles, John Travolta’s latent homosexuality and why James Franco is blacklisted from the show. Listen at FCC Free Radio. Bitches.
What? You didn’t listen to last Monday’s episode of Godfrey’s Pub Crawl? Why the fuck not? What the fuck is wrong with you? I mean, apart from that enormous goiter.
Get the fuck on this! On this week’s episode: Expired Vicodins, mail order brides, crabs and vaping despite looking like an asshole. Check out the podcast at your leisure through the FccFreeRadio homepage, Stitcher or TuneInRadio.
Today’s topics: DJs, electronic billboards and one-armed girlfriends. As per usual, some of our topics were suggested by questions sent in by listeners to either Twitter handle @BannedCast, or email: firstname.lastname@example.org. Visit bannedcast.com and read more about Tanner’s exploits and those of the band Lucky Boys Confusion in the book Medicine and Gasoline: On the Road in America with Lucky Boys Confusion.
I must insist that you entertain my theory on the disappearance of Malaysian Flight 370 with the same respect as you would any other.
Because I have a well developed and astutely considered hypothesis as to where this plane is, and my theory is at least equally as valid as the “Zombie Plane” theory I saw discussed on Piers Morgan just the other night, even though my theory may not have as cool a name or a premise. In a way, I am sort of jealous that I couldn’t think of a solution that involved zombies, but I will leave that up to the professionals over at CNN and the Piers Morgan program.
Point in fact, my theory is the only one that takes into account all of the variously confusing and contradictory accounts that have plagued this investigation since the plane’s unexpected disappearance, and that is why you should be far more receptive to it than to any other half-baked bullshit theory that you may encounter on CNN, FoxNews or Alex Jones’s website, all of which reflect an equal degree of fatuous conjecture.
BannedCast continues to support the world famous Godfrey’s Pub Crawl on FCC Free Radio, featuring unwarranted dick jokes and unsolicited confessions of childhood sexual abuse! Listen to this St. Patrick’s Day Special featuring special musical guests Marc and Naomi!